City Museum

My favorite quote lately is Mariela saying:

"I don't workout very often because my gym is halfway across the country."

City Museum in St. Louis is her "favorite place on earth" and absolutely my favorite place in the Midwest.

We met in St. Louis. I went to school there. And I learned about art, history, culture and people by going there often in high school, courtesy of M-Dog. It's a magical place for us.  It was so fun spending the day with M-Dog at "Willy Wonka's Junkyard," recently:

https://vimeo.com/147474347

Pro Tip: Knee pads are a GAME CHANGER.

**All of the images used in this video are taken with our own cameras -- even the Viewmaster slide, which I will share soon for anyone out there needing it for their own weird media projects.

Thanksgivable Thoughts

Last week, I spent the day at a winery, got drunk on the best wine I've ever had— (and I've Christmas'ed at the fucking Ritz. No joke.) ...went to an after (read: pajama) party with hilarious new people, convinced my lady to go to ikea!!! Made it all fit and could still (barely) shift! Had a Bloody Mary brunch in the sun. ("First assholes there.") Life feels amazing...so then why and the hell am I always waiting for the other shoe to drop? Well, November is a time to give thanks, so I'm gonna start a mind dump. You're always a loser if you never celebrate the victories:

  • Mariela always believes in me. It doesn't matter what it is—she's there to cheer for me. "She makes me think I can do things that I can't—yet."
  • I'm thankful for the life we've built together and for the adventures that always bring us closer, finding our way back, trackin ghosts through the fog...there are no words for our bond.
  • The stories! Our stories are our children. "We're married to music." It saves my soul. "In my darkest hour..."
  • She sees me in a way that no one else does. She's blind to gender, but loves whatever I am...
  • I'm thankful for the way her hair and cleavage catch the light just right...creeper, yes. But I'm a photographer, c'mon that's obvious!
  • I really appreciate that she just lets me decorate the shit out of everything...even though it drives her crazy to go to ikea. —She does! Once in a while...
  • I'm so lucky that I found The Abbotts. My life has been a remarkable whirlwind since. They'll never know the real opportunities they've afforded me on this journey of trying to grow up. I love seeing them. In all shapes and configurations. Our visit to Chicago included one of the best brunches with the Abbotts. We laughed (mostly at Mariela) until we were sick. They appreciate her almost as much as I do...❤️
  • My friends. Both old and new. Where would I be without you? You're the real fighters. The true allegiance. You've been able to stick through it with me, at my worst—only because you make me my best. I feel like I've been on a tour of friends lately and it was such a great ride. Thanks for all the laughs and phenomenal stories and fun (and drinks).
  • I'm so grateful to California...accepting us with open arms at a time when we really needed it. That includes some short, but very meaningful, relationships. I'll carry the lessons you taught me. I'll pay forward all the greatness you brought to my life. They were noticed.
  • I'm grateful to have a meaningful job that challenges me to keep leaping for the stars. I love startup culture because it challenges me to my very foundation. It's so exciting for someone like me.
  • My past and the women that made me strong. You saved my life with your examples of strength and courage.
  • The worthless men that showed me how things should be different...and to the few good men that proved it.
  • My beautiful amazing dream car...every day when I walk up to that car, I'm thankful. (Even more thankful when the turbocharger kicks in and it whines like a beast!)
  • And especially for all the interesting people out here that want to do things differently and that want to see how others are doing it even more differently. I'm so lucky to be here at all...

And that's why, I try myself into the ground. Cuz I don't want to ever let any of you down.

I know I do, but we get through... Thanks for staying on this crazy road.

Mariela still "brings me to my knees." I'm so thankful that she just walked right into my life and refuses to leave. A true rarity in a world of fleeting connections.

Her and Adele just be sayin:

Duke it Out

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Everybody calm the fuck down. The Dukes of Hazzard is still on Netflix. Buy the damn DVD's if you think it's such an exemplary collection of American television...I mean, I loved Daisy. Don't get me wrong... She touched my...little dyke heart, too. But seriously. If they didn't want to be pulled, they shouldn't have made their show centered around a car with such a hateful symbol of racism, especially as late in this battle as they did! Southerners need to finally accept that we won the "Battle of Northern Aggression." (People still really talk like this in the south. Ugh.) Or actually, they could hire me to do post-production to every episode. I'd like that...

  

Gender is queer

  

I've just always been queer...#genderqueer because I was told that I could do anything boys could do. So I did. And I do.

Like...win races, build bicycles, make films, build stuff outta wood, car audio lover, first in a family to graduate college... and even marry a woman. 

Be different. Proudly. Dream biggest.

I always say that...

"I'm back!" I always say that when I start blogging again. The fact is that I just haven't had time to even update my Wordpress apps and sites in so long. But the numbers say that people are still coming here. Probably just thousands of former frenemies but that's okay too. It's better than Facebook... Speaking of, the new Facebook privacy invasion makes me wanna delete my account entirely. Just like this guy:

Delete your Facebook

Every time I've added people on Facebook we become more distant. It's weird. It's just changing our society so quickly that I just can't... Maybe people just feel weird that I'm open publicly while they think a password site makes all the difference? I've spent so much of my life hiding (even in real closets) to think that I should hide now. Maybe you're hiding because you have so much to hide. That's okay. I know how it feels. But I'm gonna be who I am with you if I know you...and I'm gonna be that same person to everyone I know. That's what makes me—well me. You should try it. Not the being me part, but being you.

Maybe people hate my posts because they think that me sharing my crazy life is bragging. But I'm just as surprised with my daily stunts as you are! And I think constant pictures of your kids would certainly run head-to-head with that idea. I can't have kids. Sometimes I'm not sure if that's a blessing because I work my fucking ass off and I haven't given up on my own goals and dreams...which I share. But I also share my setbacks and believe you me--it often feels like I have more of them than successes! And I enjoy your posts about your kids...I'm happy that you have the life you want and I want to be apart of that...even if it's a dumb thumbs up icon. But I say, let's take it to the next step...real life. Let's send pictures again and talk on the phone. I promise not to scream.

But if we've had weird relationships in the past, exes and the like...I don't wanna be friends. I'm sorry but I'm not that kinda lesbian. I don't think I'm a lesbian at all, to be quite honest. But that's another post.

Now I'm working on a new site, a CopyCatFilms sister site...but Drupal is just too stupid for me. I'm a wordpress lover all the way. Kill that install. Start over. I even paid good money for that damn layout, but sometimes you gotta know when to fold'em...I love a reason to quote Kenny Rogers. It makes me feel closer to Dolly. (And who wouldn't want that?)

So I'm also packin for a trip to Illinois. Flying right under that Gateway to the West! My camera has been hacked with Magic Lantern and I'm going on a crash course of learning to use it. I cannot wait...

Kitty does not want me to leave.

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Morty Misses, too

Our cat is intolerant of new situations. Strange for a cat that recently handled a cross-country trek of over 2,300 miles. Sadly, he lost his best friend right before the big trek across country.  I know he misses Ninga... But the truth is...I can't get over missing Ninga yet, either. When I think of how abruptly he left us, on the eve of our move from Chicago, it just floods me. It was really just... a lot for me, at the time. He's been a part of my life for 14 years...it was just supposed to be a check-up visit.

How can we go it without him? --I blubbered into every box as we packed ALL night.  This big journey into the unknown... He's the protector in our house. He's the fighter. He'd save you from a burning microwave, and swat a piece of pizza from your hand without hesitation. He went to a top 25 school and ate pizza out of party boxes.  He'd leer over you, standing from the top of a door--making you think he'd pounce on your head or at least break a leg getting down. But beware--cuz if you'd reach to try to help him down, he'd rip holes in your arm--like a sheet on a clothesline--on his way to the floor, while hissing like a tiger.  He'd get mad if you'd cry.  And he would practically clean his own cat box.  Funny looking with big, tall, back legs and spots like a dairy cow.

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I miss you more than I could have imagined.  Surprising, since you were always such an asshole!  I would have done anything to save you. I know when you reached your paw up on my arm and laid your head to sleep for the last time--you knew that.  And I'm sure you were pissed that I was crying.  Thank you for forcing me to grow up and hanging on along the way, Ninga.

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Morty is missing you terribly. Not only for the company, but always letting him know what's right. You gave him only the good sides of you, like a good father. He goes out on the new balcony, unsure of the new textures, scenery, and railing. He's scared of the boundaries. You showed him how to be a cat. He still waits for you.

I hope you know how much you meant to my silly life. I had no idea how much you meant to Morty's.  We're trying to move on and keep him happy. He had a playdate with a nice cat. His response was...rather pissy.