So we attended the longest adoption workshop yet–in the East Bay (IAC). Surprisingly, it was the best. The best of FOUR that we’ve attended over the years! We are in love with this place. It was so open and honest about everything. It is the polar opposite of isolated, infertility treatment darkness and the strange uncomfortable other info sessions we’ve attended both in Chicago and here in San Francisco.
When the meeting started, the facilitating woman shared her own story of a very difficult closed adoption. It was nice for me to hear. Even though I love & live with someone everyday that is the result of a very closed adoption, it is good to hear of others experiences. It’s also nice because I am of an unusual “open” adoption where I have two families that I love very much–but making it all work, in reality, is sometimes very difficult on me. I don’t want that for our kids. I want them to feel home. I want them to know that they are here to stay, that they belong. –Honestly, feelings that I did not have as a kid. I definitely have had some processing to do and I’ve been working on it over the past several years as we’ve stepped closer and closer to the adoption process.
But after this session, I feel absolutely ready. Now, it’s just the large sum of money necessary to begin. Ultimately, that is what it has always been…It’s hard to invest in a business, and at the same time, afford adoption. And now that I’ve stepped out on my own with freelancing, I feel that I really need to find steady, stable work in order to fully jump into adoption. Freelancing is just too uncertain. And honestly, I miss working with people–surprising, I know ;-). But I know that will happen soon enough. Why? Because this place is magic. Absolutely magic. There are so many interesting startups, companies, and organizations here.
Back to the waiting room: Then…then the nice lady put up a ppt screen and said that we would all get in small groups and openly discuss our experiences with infertility, and what has led us to adoption. My heart jumped in my chest. My palms started sweating and a rare feeling washed over me: FLIGHT. I focused my gaze on the door and started fantasizing scenarios to make a break for it…Openly discuss this!? With strangers!! my inner voice was screaming! I looked into Mariela’s eyes and I knew I just had to do this and that she was with me. We turned and just jumped right in. The most amazing thing happened. It actually felt good. I felt like I could breathe. The people were so open and warm, nonjudgemental, inquisitive, and openly shared their own stories. For the first time at one of these awkward things–I actually felt connected to the people. Imagine that. It was a place that I would actually look forward to attending their day long workshops, etc. etc.
I can’t wait to get started. So it’s back to job applications for me. Wheeeeeee!